


And Then I Did

by ToSeeAMarchingBand



Series: It 2 is my supervillain backstory [1]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe, IT Chapter Two Spoilers, M/M, because richies doing a comedy show, eddie kaspbrak is a psychopath, i tell it as i see it, in my humble opinion- he is alive and kickin, its up to interpretation if Stan is dead or not in this, no bathtubs here... no sir, pretty much everyone is only mentioned, where richie writes his own shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 03:34:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20575784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToSeeAMarchingBand/pseuds/ToSeeAMarchingBand
Summary: Once the hoots and hollers died down, Richie smiled and continued. “Now as much as I’m dissing my small little home town, I have to give it credit,” he said, choosing to ignore how much shit he and the Losers went through in Derry. “because that’s where I met both the love of my life, and my best friend,” he said, earning a loud ‘awww’ from the audience.“Awwwww is right, I’m being a fucking sap right now! That’s something nobody hesitated to tell me when I sent the draft of my script to the group chat I’m in with my friends,” he said, loud laughter echoing through the theater.





	And Then I Did

**Author's Note:**

> When I watched It 2 and Richie walked on stage, I leaned over to my dad and whispered "oh my god richie is john mulaney" so you can see where i went with the idea

“Hellooooo Portland,” Richie said as he walked out onstage, waving to the cheering audience. He quickly made his way over to the front and center of the stage, smiling a much more genuine smile than he had been using for years. “Wow,” he said as the cheers were dying down, reaching towards his feet to grab the water bottle sitting near him, and move it farther from the edge of the stage, remembering an incident at a show once where a kid who was _far _too young to be listening to his material, had tipped the bottle and spilled water all over the stage.

“You guys are all so _rowdy_,” he said, smirking as the audience cheered again. “I actually grew up in Maine, not Portland though,” Richie had insisted that he added another bit to his routine for when he made it to Maine. Everyone involved was like ‘dude what the fuck why are you springing this on us 2 days before we make it to Maine?’ but he was persistent, and eventually got it in the act.

“I, just recently, learned what the word ‘microcosm’ meant, and before any of you get your hopes up, no it _isn’t _a sex term. I learned that the hard way,” the audience laughed, and he continued after a moment. “No, I was talking to an old friend that I grew up with, Mike. We were remembering the good times of our childhoods,” he decided not to tell the group of strangers in front of him about his traumatic experiences with a killer clown. “You know, finding fun things to do in _Maine_, like exploring the sewers, getting bullied, stealing from the pedophile pharmacist… you know, your usual childhood activities,”

After they defeated It for the second time, for good, everyone went their separate ways, but this time, were still connected. The biggest example of that being the stupid group chat that Richie was added to with his friends. The group chat he can’t leave because one of his shithead friends has a Samsung.

Everyone talked with each other, at first because they were all desperate not to forget again, but eventually because they were all friends and loved to talk with one another, despite the distance. They had all planned over a group Skype to get together for Thanksgiving, obviously not in Derry.

“So I was complaining to Mike about how much of a shithole our lovely old hometown was, and Mike, who’s career is, and I quote ‘explorer’, informed me that Maine in general isn’t much different, he said the small town where we grew up was a microcosm of the whole state and I said ‘Mike,’ ” The audience began to laugh, already seeing where this was going. “I said ‘Mike I knew you liked our town a little but I wouldn’t go as far as to say living there was a micro orgasm’ and then he hung up on me,” Everyone in the audience was laughing, for the most part, except the kids who were too young to be there and didn’t even know what an orgasm was.

Once the hoots and hollers died down, Richie smiled and continued. “Now as much as I’m dissing my small little home town, I have to give it credit,” he said, choosing to ignore how much shit he and the Losers went through in Derry. “because that’s where I met both the love of my life, and my best friend,” he said, earning a loud ‘awww’ from the audience.

“Awwwww is right, I’m being a fucking sap right now! That’s something _nobody _hesitated to tell me when I sent the draft of my script to the group chat I’m in with my friends,” he said, loud laughter echoing through the theater.

“I’m going to take you all on a journey to 1989. If you need help imagining the setting, know it’s the exact opposite of an orgasm,” he said, pausing a moment for the crowd to calm their laughter, before he continued. “We were all standing at the edge of a quarry in our tighty whities, me and like 5 other boys. We were like 12, and about to jump into the water,” he smiled. “There’s a fence there now, telling you _not _to jump hundreds of feet into the water, because apparently that isn’t safe? Wild,” he said, continuing with his story.

“We were all too scared to jump in, until a girl ran right past us and jumped into the water, but not before she could call us all pussies first,” he said, putting a bit of fake outrage into his voice. “That girl was Beverly, and once she gave me a cigarette when we were like 14, so she was my best friend for years. Don’t smoke, kids,” he said, holding his hands up as if saying ‘I said that last bit, nobody sue me,’.

“Recently we all had a reunion, -good times, bad Chinese food- and it was the first time I had seen Bev in _years_, because how are you supposed to contact people in the early 90s if you don’t know their phone number? Facebook doesn’t exist yet, and carrier pigeons went out of style too long ago for me to try it without getting judged,” Obviously he didn’t mention the whole ‘forgetting everyone once you’ve left Derry because you haven’t defeated this demon clown’ part, but Richie decided what he said was likely enough.

“So she arrives at the Chinese place and I’m thinking ‘wow she really wants to bone Ben’. Ben had gotten into shape and become a solid 10 out of 10, so I couldn’t blame her,” Richie said, still smiling, knowing full well that he had heavily implied that Bev was the love of his life earlier in his bit. “And then she did! And she also married him! It was a beautiful wedding, I was the Maid of Honor,” he said, smirking at the thought of all the heteros in the audience and their reaction to what was to come.

“Now I know what you’re thinking, especially the straight people in the audience: Richie!” he faked a surprised tone. “Poor poor Richard, isn’t Bev the love of your life and your best friend because you’re a sap, and you attended her wedding to somebody else?” He gasped, clearing his throat because of the falsetto. “Are you her _side hoe_?” People laughed, his shitty impersonation earning some giggles from some of the more stoic people he saw.

This was the moment of truth. Richie was about to reveal his (arguably) best kept secret, to a bunch of strangers in the dark. He thought back to his preteen years, when he was just barely holding on, when he was a scared little boy locked in a pitch black closet, because what he was and what he felt was weird and taboo. He though of Stan’s words to him and the Losers: “be proud”. He thought of all his friends, and their endless support of him, and he thought of Eddie.

He stood a little taller.

“And you know what I have to say to that?” he said, looking out at the crowd. “How heteronormative of you guys! Geez, a guy can’t talk about his best friend without everyone assuming he’s straight. What a load of _bull_,” he said, blowing a raspberry into the microphone for added effect. There were loud cheers surrounding him, and he smiled, backing up a bit to continue his story.

“I met my best friend in that town at age 12 when she stole some cigarettes from the creepy pharmacist, but I met the love of my life at age 6 when I had just started kindergarten,” a few people ‘awwed’. “Aww children, cute, I get it, anyway!” He paused to let people laugh. “I was telling my friend Bill about how much I wished I could barf macaroni and cheese- endless mac and cheese, I was a genius back then- and I was telling him all about it, and then this little kid who was about 3 inches shorter than me said ‘shut up that’s the yuckiest thing I’ve ever heard,’ and I thought ‘wooooooow I’m going to marry that boy,’ ” People in the audience cheered and laughed. After a moment, he continued. “AND THEN I DID!” He held up his hand to prove it, the ring clear as day in the shine of the stage lights. More cheers erupted.

Richie thought back to lying in bed a few months ago, only about a week before he’d begin his tour. He had woken up before Eddie, his nerves about his upcoming shows getting the best of him. He had tried to quietly slip out of bed without waking his husband, but the smaller man had noticed the moment his heat source was taken away.

Eds had grumbled something about kicking his ass if he didn’t get back in bed, so he quickly lied back down next to him, holding him close until Richie had fallen back into a peaceful sleep.

“I asked my husband if I could make fun of him a bit in my show and he said ‘you don’t have the balls’ and obviously he was right but,” he stopped and smiled as the audience laughed, “But I wanted to at least _try_ to prove him wrong, so I’m going to talk about a time when we were like 14 and he was an absolute psychopath,” he said, launching into a story about Eddie and the time he stuck his dirty socks in Richie’s face on the hammock.

***

“What’s up, fuckface?” Eddie said as he walked up to Richie, who was lying face down on a sofa in some random backstage room at the venue his show had been. Rich flipped him the bird as a greeting. “Shouldn’t you be outside like… meeting your fans or something?” he asked, sitting on Richie’s back as if it were the sofa itself. Underneath Eddie, his husband shrugged.

“What do you think I should do,” he asked, a smile playing at his lips as he looked up, heavily implying that he should ditch the meet and greet to make out with his husband.

“I’m a nurse, not your publicity manager,” Eddie smirked, sliding off of Richie’s back to pull him up off the couch and lead him towards the door. “but I _know_ you’re getting paid to do this, and that Regina needs a new sweater,” Richie grumbled as he was dragged to the outside.

“She doesn’t need one, you just want one,”

“Yeah because I saw one that said ‘I bark at ugly people’ and needed it, our dog deserves the best,” Eddie said, and Richie rolled his eyes before giving his husband a quick kiss. He walked out towards the first person he saw that looked like they had even a little bit of an idea of what was happening.

“Hey can you lead me to the meet and greet thing?” the woman nodded, bringing him out towards the lobby of the theater, where a large group of people was lined up in front of a table, one of the few things on said table being a sharpie for autographs.

The people came and went quickly, asking for autographs on pads of paper, shirts with one of his quotes on them, on one odd occasion- someone’s forehead, but nothing really stuck until a 15 year old boy walked up to the table.

“I,” he started, clearly nervous about what he was going to say. “I wanted to thank you, for what you talked about earlier,” he said, and Richie decided not to interrupt the kid. “It was… it was relieving, to hear you, and see you come out, because I’ve always been so scared and-“

“Kid,” Richie said when the boy looked like he was about to break down. “I’m going to tell you something a very important man in my life once told me,” he looked up at the boy. “Be proud. No matter what, ok? Always be proud of yourself,” he smiled at the boy, and the boy smiled back.

**Author's Note:**

> if you read this and thought "wow this author sure used the word HUSBAND" a lot, it's because youre right, i did. Im still so salty that they were such cowards and made Eddie die a hetty

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Comedy Show to Never Forget](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20598581) by [SailMyShips](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailMyShips/pseuds/SailMyShips)


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